PATTER AND PRESENTATION

“I would like the assistance of an unmarried man in this next experiment. (To volunteer) Are you happy? I mean are you single?

This is a little one act playlet wherein you take the part of a married man. Look married, please. You see I don’t dare take a true Benedict as I am liable to be sued by the wife for libel.

We will presume that you have invited me to dinner at your home, but you haven’t called Gracie – Gracie is your wife’s name – so I am unexpected. The second I enter the door I realize she doesn’t like the idea tho’ she smiles (performer sneers, simulating wife) and she says, “So pleased to meet you.” (sour smile, and then in hard tough aside to assistant) “You goof.” And she continues “George, (your name is George) we have hardly anything to eat. Run down to the deli – delica – to the A & P and get some ham” and as you get to the door, she adds “and eggs, and mustard, and bread.” You look blank, George, because you cannot remember all of this. Look blank, George. Now this is where I help you with the Val Evans (use YOUR own name here) memory cards, a wonderful invention which you will very shortly admit. I volunteer to go to the deli – delica – to the A & P, and remember everything by using the magic cards (show the cards casually, being careful that the Hell card does not show.)

This is the way they work. You spell the article that you are going to get, and for each letter in the word you remove one card and put it on the bottom. This stamps it indelibly in your mind, that is, what there is left of it after your years of married life. Now let me see (as tho’ remembering — Ham and eggs, and mustard too — And a loaf of bread I’ll bring to you. 1. Spell Ham (show on last letter and discard) 2. Spell Eggs (show and discard) 3. Spell Mustard (show and discard) 4. Spell Bread (show and discard) You see how easy it is. Now, after I return with these things your wife remembers that there is no butter in the house… You are a very poor provider, George, and the reason will be forthcoming shortly… So you go out for butter. It’s your turn now… Spell… (volunteer spells) And what did you get ? A GLASS OF BEER !! (Leave the beer card on top after showing). Gracie doesn’t like this George… So I go out and get the butter. (Performer spells, gets Butter on the last letter, shows and discards.) This burns you, George.

About this time your wife says that we should have something for dessert, and she sends you out for some ice cream. Here, try ice cream… (he spells ice cream but gets beer again. Show and leave on top)… Your wife is awfully mad now, so to give her a chance to cool off I go out and get the ice cream… (Performer spells it out, gets it, and discards)… This burns both you and your wife, George, and you are both broadcasting loudly and looking daggers at each other. However, she still remembers her Emily Post, and says “Ha, ha, ha, (very sarcastically) you men should smoke a cigar after you repast”, which if I may say, George, was a very good one. So you go out like a Vice President to get a good five cent cigar. You go for only one, though, as you smoke cigarettes. (Hand the cards to George to spell cigar.) Be careful, George, remember you just had a couple of beers. Spell cigar, George. (He does so and gets the beer card once more. This time turn face down on top of the deck as usual and then discard. The beer card is turning up so often that no one knows whether you discard or not.) So I go out and get my own cigar. (Performer spells cigar and discards). This burns you…not the cigar.

About this time your wife says “nuts” (spell and discard). She thinks we are a couple of nuts (with lifted eyebrows). So the both of us go out this time, and I say (suggestively), “Let’s go down and see Sally — S-A-L-L-Y (Spell cards). Sally is a boat (show and discard) and you’re disappointed so you leave me and go home muttering disgustedly to yourself “Sally, Sally, Sally.” Your wife hears you and thinks you’re talking about a girl. She makes your life miserable, more than ever if that’s possible. She’s jealous and tells you what she thinks of you…again.

So you tell her you’re going out to have another beer. You tell her, George, that you’re asserting yourself. You say “I’m going to have a B-E-E-R !” You hope the spell works this time. Spell beer, George, and as there is only one card, you ought to be able to make it. (He spells) And what did you get ? HELL !! It’s in the cards, George. You see it is your own fault. It teaches you never to bring a visitor home without phoning your wife. (As you escort the assistant) Have a cigar, George. (Give him a cigar) And here, have a beer too. (Produce and give him the beer). — Finis.

The foregoing patter and asides give a pretty clear picture of the working details. In each case a letter is spelled each time a card is transferred from the top to the bottom, the correct card showing up on the last letter of the word. The card is discarded each time, face down, with the exception of the beer card which is kept on top after showing, for the first two times, and discarded after showing for the third time. Each time the assistant spells, the cards are taken from him in readiness for the performer’s turn, and also that the cards may not be disarranged. It is suggested, as in the patter, that the performer have a cigar and a small glass of beer (with rubber cover) in his pocket to present to the volunteer. Remember that the magician is kidding, and escorts assistant part way as he leaves, and in doing so presents him with a cigar and a beer as a tag gag.

Each time the beer card shows up for the assistant, it is left on top and the performer goes on from there to spell the word correctly. On the third try it is shown, discarded, and the performer then spells out the word correctly which leaves the remaining cards ready for finish. Credit must be given to Franz Christensen’s Spell Bound on page 9 of the November 1936 Genii. However, his version was suitable for children, and the writer wanted something more suitable for a sophisticated audience so he added one more card and got rid of the repeat picture in the final kick. But without Spell Bound, the writer would not have created An Invitation To Lunch — with Beer. The arrangement from top down (back to face) of the cards when ready to start is NUTS – SALLY – HAM – MUSTARD – BUTTER – HELL – EGGS – BEER – ICE CREAM – BREAD – CIGAR. The spell out order is made clear by the patter. A good size for almost any audience is six by nine inches on a heavy white pasteboard stock.